• Give yourself permission to feel your feelings.
  
• Communicate. Let your needs be known. Tell your family and friends about how much you feel you can handle during the season. Speak to other bereaved parents for advice as to what helped them through these times.
  
• Remember that this holiday will be different. Give yourself permission to let go of some of the traditions you may have shared with your loved one in the past.
  
• Plan ahead. Knowing in advance what's supposed to happen helps to ease the feelings of stress and gives you a sense of control. One family set an extra plate at the Passover table for their daughter who had just died.
  
• Think about starting a new tradition in honour of your loved one who has died; light a special candle, say a special prayer, sing or play a special song,
  
• Offer a special toast or anecdote at the traditional holiday meal, or share stories and remembrances about the person who has died that illustrates the nature, humour or kindness of the person who is missing.
  
• Try to be gentle with yourself. Try not to spread yourself too thin. And acknowledge that it will likely be a very difficult time. Remember, there is no right or wrong way to experience your loss during the holidays.

2. Getting Through Special Days

How do you handle those "special days"? Does a birthday that was once the source of great joy and happiness now become a sad day, because your loved one is dead? Does an upcoming death day (the day you lost your loved one) create a dread inside you that all you can think of is staying in the house and not seeing anyone? Will you be able to "get through" an upcoming family wedding/barmitzvah/baby naming/birthday party without wanting to leave early or not wanting to attend at all? How do you handle that special day?

All the suggestions pertaining to holidays apply. Draw on all your strengths and supports to help you through this difficult time. Remember that the anticipation of the day is usually the worst. When the day comes, you have been through the rough spots and will likely cope very well.

Here's what some bereaved parents have done to help them get through these times:

Malka celebrated her only daughter’s 25th birthday (five years after she was killed in a car accident) by bringing balloons to the cemetery and having her nieces and nephews write stories in book which they read aloud at the site.

Each year, Harry devotes the day to his deceased son. He takes off work, visits the grave site, eats at his son’s favourite restaurant, gives blood and goes to bed early. It is a ritual every year.

Annie plans something special each year on her son's birthday. "It was always a happy day so it is difficult for me to feel sad on a day that brought me so much joy." One year she had a video made of her son's life; another year she had a favourite picture of her son painted by a young artist.

Margie did something that she had always wanted to do with her late daughter and that is travel around the world. She took the money she had saved for her daughter's education, quit her job and took a full year to travel. She says she brought her daughter along with her in her heart wherever she went. And in this way, she was able to fulfill their dream and in her own way she was able to share it with her as well.

Debbie invites all of her late daughter's friends over on her birthday. She buys snacks for them and they sit on her bed and talk about her and reminisce. It is a ritual that has been happening for five years and is comforting to both her and her daughter's pals who still miss her greatly.