JEWISH RITUALS RELATING TO DEATH
Q. What are some of the Jewish customs relating to the funeral?
a. Respect for the dead is honored. Judaism mandates that the body be treated with awe and reverence. Embalming or viewing of the body are usually not permitted because they tend to turn the person into a "thing". The corpse is washed, wrapped in plain cotton or linen shrouds and buried in an unadorned wooden casket. The simplicity of shrouds and caskets may have been a way to avoid Egyptian excesses and also to protect the poor from embarrassment.
b. The body is buried quickly, within 24 hours if possible. This is both a token of respect and a way of sparing the mourners' feeling, since the healing work of grief cannot begin until after the funeral.

Jewish funerals are simple, even austere. One rarely sees flowers or hears music. The core of the funeral is the eulogy which focuses on the loss of a unique soul.
The Jewish funeral liturgy (in marked contrast to Christian funerals) does not speak of death as a "better place". In fact the liturgy makes no mention of the afterlife, or of a reunion with G-d or with family members who have passed away.
After the casket is lower, family members shovel the first clods of earth onto it.

Q. What does "sitting Shiva" mean?
The term Shiva is derived from a Hebrew word meaning "seven". It refers to the seven day period of mourning which takes place following a burial. During this period of time family members suspend all worldly activities and devote full attention to remembering and mourning the deceased.

Q. Where does this ritual come from?
The earliest mention of a seven day period of mourning occurs in the Book of Genesis. It is said that after Jacob's death, Joseph "made a mourning for his father for seven days" (Gen 50:10) Accordingly to Talmudic tradition at the time of Noah and the Flood, God Himself "mourned seven days for the destruction of the world."

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Q. According to Jewish law, for whom is the observance of "Shiva" necessary?
These rites are observed for parents, a spouse, a child or a brother or sister. In the case of an infant of less than 30 days, there is no formal Shiva.

Q. When does Shiva begin and end?
Shiva begins on the day of burial and continues for seven days. During the Sabbath and any Holy Day (Yom Tov) there is temporary cessation in the rituals of mourning and in some cases, a Holy Day can completely suspend the sitting of Shiva. It is advisable to consult with a rabbi at these times.

Q. What are some of the common Shiva rituals?
a. A tradition meal ("seudat havra'ah") or "the meal of consolation after burial which consists of hard-boiled eggs and lentils, which by nature of their round shape symbolize the cyclical nature of life and the immortality of the soul. It is in effect, an affirmation that even in the face of death, life continues.
b. Mourners sit on low stools to indicate their bereaved state.
c. Mourners are prohibited from wearing leather, cosmetics, bathing and marital relations.
d. During this time the only study allowed is of the books of Job or Lamentations or the texts on the laws of death and bereavement.
e. All mirrors must be covered.
f. Traditional morning and evening prayers are recited during with the traditional Kaddish prayer is recited. All prayers are recited within a Minyan, a quorum of ten adults, and throughout the 7 day period, friends, and family visit to offer support and condolences.
g. A candle flame burns continuously in remembrance of the spirit of the departed soul.
h. All meals during Shiva are prepared and serviced for the mourners. This ensures that the mourners will have sustenance during their times of sorrow; it also communicates to the mourners that there are people around them who can help them deal with the demands of life during this time of acute grief.
i. The mourners wear a torn black ribbon (k'riah)
j. At the conclusion of the Shiva, mourners go out and walk around the block, signifying a return to daily living as well as a symbolic escorting of the soul of the departed.

Q. Why do Jews recite the Kaddish?
Kaddish, a prayer recited at virtually every Jewish worship service, makes no mention of death or mourning. Like the Christian Lord's Pray, Kaddish is a doxology- a litany of praise for God. However, the centuries-old association of Kaddish with bereavement and the familiar sound and cadence of the prayer make its recitation a form of comfort that transcends language. This prayer is recited during prayer services for up to a year on behalf of parents, although it is generally recited for eleven months. For others it is recited for 30 days.

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Q. What do you say to a mourner?
If you are not certain of what to say, be silent. And listen. It is helpful for mourners to be able to share their thoughts and feelings. One should try to ask questions that will allow them to talk with you about their grief and be less concerned about giving them advice on what they should be doing. Try to avoid cliches like "you'll get over it", or "time will heal you" or "be strong for your other children" which can be more harmful than good to the mourners who are still fresh in their grief.

Q. What do you tell young children about the Shiva?
It is important that young children be told what will be taking place during the Shiva. Even though sitting Shiva is not an obligation of children under 13, some children may want to be part of the Shiva for at least part of the time. It may help them deal with their own feelings of grief and loss. They should be involved and included to whatever extent is comfortable for both you and them.

Q. What other time periods are important for the mourners?
The first month is called "shloshim". The first year ends with a "yahrzeit"(year's time) candle, lit in memory of the deceased. The "unveiling" of the headstone takes place anytime after Shiva and before Yahrzeit.

Q. What is the Jewish position on Organ Donation?
The mitzvah (commandment) of "saving a soul" (in Hebrew, pikuah hanefesh) is considered paramount and nearly all Jewish authorities now support organ donation and permit autopsy in the service of medical research.

Q. What are the customs relating to mourning a non-Jewish loved one?
The whole range of Jewish mourning customs is open to anyone mourning for a non-Jew. For example: Jews-by-choice say Kaddish for their non-Jewish parents; the death of a non-Jewish friend may prompt the wearing of torn ribbon (k'riah) that denotes a mourner; and anyone can light a yahrzeit (memorial) candle on the anniversary of a dear one's death. Certainly, any synagogue member can request bereavement counseling from his or her rabbi, regardless of the deceased's religion - or his own. Rabbis can be thoughtful sounding boards for problems that may arise over conflicts where some members are more traditional than others. Many interfaith families have found ways to honor both traditions and meet everyone's spiritual needs.

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